Posted on Dec 24, 1999

Hey all!

we’re COMING OUT!! yes, we’re doing some shows in january:

Thursday 6th, PUNTERS CLUB, Melbourne – ONE SHOW ONLY!!

Saturday 8th, Austral (outside), Adealaide – ONE SHOW ONLY!!

There will be many more gigs to come all over the country, throughout Jan and Feb, but if you wanna hear the songs from the new EP live, and all yr old faves, make sure to come!

We’re usually not ones to send out jokes and crap over e mail, but it is christmas, so below are a few funny things.

**Have a great christmas and new year!!**

love, tim/kel/dean feeder

This might explain why we are concerned about the dangers of work. This is an accident report frkm the British equivalent of the Workers’ Compensation Board. This is the bricklayer’s report, a true story. Had this guy died, he’d have walked away with a Darwin Award for sure! Dear Sir: I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block_3 of the accident report form. I put “Poor planning” as the cause of my accident.

You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient. I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident , I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of 500lbs.

Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor. Securi.g the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks. You will note in block _11 of the accident report form that my weight is 135 lbs.

Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explains the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collarbone, as listed in Section 3 of the accident report form.

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fijgers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately by this time I had regai.ed my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of the excruciating pain I was now beginning to experience. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight .

As you might imagine, I began a Rapid descent, down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and severe lacerations of my legs and lower body. Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked.

I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back onto me. This explains the two broken legs.

Actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry midterm: “Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heats)? Support your answer with proof.”

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following: First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So, we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving.

I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities: (1) If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. (2) Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it? . If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Theresa Banyan during my Freshman year, “That it will be a cold night in Hell before I sleep . with you;” and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in that area, then (2) cannot be true, and so Hell is exothermic. The student got the only A in class.